Hello, gorgeous!

Happy almost Valentine’s Day!

I’m going to be really honest with you right now.  I wrote you a letter for this Valentine’s Day – one filled with positivity and encouragement.  A letter about how no matter what your current relationship status, you must learn to love yourself first.

And while that is very true, it doesn’t feel authentic for me to send you that note right now.

Why, you ask?

Well, because I am going through a moment of self-doubt, not self-love, and I just don’t think it’s cool for me to pretend this kind of thing isn’t happening.

Yes, I want to be a source of inspiration in your life.  I live to put a smile on your face, and be the sunshine in your day.  I want you to know you’re going to open up my emails and feel good about reading them.

But the reality is, sometimes all that positive mumbo jumbo is for sh*t.

Yup, you heard me.  It’s a load of crap.

You know why?

Because it completely invalidates everything you are feeling, and that’s just not cool

The one thing we all want in our lives is to be heard.  Above all else, we want to know that someone else hears our story.  We want to connect with others – we want them to understand our pain, and to share in our joy.

And by telling you to just disregard your true feelings, I am not being a good friend to you.

Here’s the thing…we all have moments of self doubt.  We all have moments when we feel completely unworthy of any kind of love, especially from ourselves!  We beat ourselves up and take evidence from others who are not living up to our expectations of them.  We use that to fuel our fire.

Is that wrong?  Yes.  But is it real?  Hell, yeah it is!

It’s very difficult for you to listen to me say, no it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, you don’t need external validation.  You just need to love yourself.

If I was listening to me, I’d tell me to buzz off!

So I’m here today instead to listen to you.  If you’re feeling great about your life, and you are so full of self-love, I want to hear about it!  Let’s celebrate it together!

But if you’re not…if you’re having a moment of doubt, if you’re feeling lonely before this ridiculous media holiday that gives you validation only if you’re in a romantic relationship, let me be the first to say, I hear you and I am listening.

It sucks to feel unloved, and it’s even worse when some Polyanna tries to tell you to just snap out of it and love yourself.  I hear you loud and clear, sister!

I’m here to listen to you.  I hear you.  I feel your struggles and I want you to know you are not alone.  Everyone goes through those moments.

But here’s the other thing, and this is the part that only a true friend will tell you!  Yes, you are entitled to every feeling you have.  BUT, it is your job to tell others if they’re not treating you right, and to stand up for your feelings.  You have every right to make your feelings known.  Do not feel bad about this.  But also, do not get so caught up in feeling unworthy that you never DO anything about it.

You may not feel very loved right now, but you are not a victim.  You are a badass chick, with so much to offer the world.  So if you’re feeling less than worthy right now, regardless of your relationship status, do something about it.  Don’t spend this week drowning your sorrows in a box of chocolates, having one hell of a pity party.

No, get out there and do something about it!  Find a friend who will spend some time with you – laughing, enjoying each other’s company.  I know you have at least one friend who can always cheer you up and make you laugh.

Call her up and schedule a girls night.  Go out for coffee or get a massage together.  Whatever will make you feel loved and appreciated.

Your feelings are real, and I’m not going to invalidate them and tell you not to feel that way.  But I’m also not going to let you and your amazing self get away with having a colossal pity party!  No way!  Not on my watch!

We are here to lift each other up and remind each other of how amazing we are, just as we are right now!

I hear you.  Your feelings are real, and even though it would be awesome to never need external validation again, that’s probably not realistic.  So I’m going to give you some now.  I’ve got your back and your feelings are worthy.  Stand up and own them!

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

XOXO,
Nikki